I couldn't handle Utah much longer, so I decided to take a little vacation and arrived this evening in San Diego. Travelling on a budget meant that my brother, who had got me out of my winter inversion funk by convincing me to come to San Diego to watch an International 7s Rugby Tournament, also provided us with free lodging at the home of his future brother and sister-in-law to be. WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS TERMINOLOGY THAT MAY BE INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO THOSE WHO DID NOT GROW UP IN THE MORMON FAITH OR SPEND AN INORDINATE AMOUNT OF TIME SPEAKING TO MORMON MISSIONARIES. For the Mormon impaired, I'm attempting to provide appropriate hyperlink footnotes, although time constraints and Internet connectivity may prevent me from getting them all up tonight, so check back tomorrow.
Walking in I found the modest condo had a glass coffee table with an Ensign noticeably placed front and center. The Families Are Forever plaque hung noticeably over the sink and on the top of the entertainment center was the obligatory temple picture. I was assigned by sleeping quarters, one that has glacially slow wireless Internet and a bookcase.
The book case was what intrigued me. Oh, how I wish I had a digital camera and I would have posted a picture, but the juxtaposition of books was just too much to pass up, so I'm forgoing my WTF Friday post for a Peeping Tom San Diego Special -- what do young, newlywed and seemingly devout Mormon couples have on their bookshelf?
1. Two copies of Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits -- apparently each brought one into the marriage.
2. Two copies of a Mormon Hymnal -- again E-Harmony must have picked them out for their similar libraries.
3. Various Self-help books, with the only book not shelved being Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples
4. Various Church Books starting with The Teachings of GBH and ending with Mormon Doctrine, followed immediately by a biography of Bob Marley and a biography of Peter Tosh, followed by The Miracle of Forgiveness and a whole bunch more church books.
5. More Church Books
6. Diet Books
7. The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck
8. Lance Armstrong Autobiography.
9. James E. Talmage's The Great Apostasy and right next to this book was Sex Flashcards, yep, Sex Flashcards. Not being able to resist I pulled out a card, which contained the definition for "revirginize": 1: to reattach the hymen surgically via hymenorraphy or hymenoplasty 2: to temporarily shrink the vaginal opening with chemicals 3: to recommit to abstinence until marriage, despite having previously had sex -- see also BORN-AGAIN VIRGIN, STUPPRATOR (man who prefers virgins), FORESKIN RESTORATION. The card then shows a picture of two women, apparently from the 1940s sipping coffee and using our new vocabulary word in a sentence: "That's when I decided to re-virginize."
Damn, if I'd known it was that easy, I wouldn't have waited until I was married. Oh well, back to the book shelf snooping.
10. Jennifer Weiner's Good in Bed and Rich Dad, Poor Dad were the next two books to copulate on the shelf.
11. Personal journals (Ok, I won't stoop so low as to read the journals), although it might be interesting because one is a guy journal, one is a girl journal and the next book on the shelf is Mars and Venus in the Bedroom.
12. And my favorite juxtaposition of the evening were two of those yearly sayings books: Nerve.com's Position of the Day Playbook: Sex Everyday in Every Way, right next to Stand a Little Taller:Counsel and Inspiration for each day of the Year by GBH. Well, with the Nerve book, we all know what was standing a little taller.
Bottom line, Mormons do love to mix up the sex and spirituality when they are young and horny. I have a feeling that this young couple isn't unlike many newlywed Mormon couples. I remember a few years ago lending my Guide to Getting it On to my soon to be married, former TBM brother-in-law and I never got the damn book back. Probably sitting on his bookshelf next to The Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith.
Walking in I found the modest condo had a glass coffee table with an Ensign noticeably placed front and center. The Families Are Forever plaque hung noticeably over the sink and on the top of the entertainment center was the obligatory temple picture. I was assigned by sleeping quarters, one that has glacially slow wireless Internet and a bookcase.
The book case was what intrigued me. Oh, how I wish I had a digital camera and I would have posted a picture, but the juxtaposition of books was just too much to pass up, so I'm forgoing my WTF Friday post for a Peeping Tom San Diego Special -- what do young, newlywed and seemingly devout Mormon couples have on their bookshelf?
1. Two copies of Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits -- apparently each brought one into the marriage.
2. Two copies of a Mormon Hymnal -- again E-Harmony must have picked them out for their similar libraries.
3. Various Self-help books, with the only book not shelved being Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples
4. Various Church Books starting with The Teachings of GBH and ending with Mormon Doctrine, followed immediately by a biography of Bob Marley and a biography of Peter Tosh, followed by The Miracle of Forgiveness and a whole bunch more church books.
5. More Church Books
6. Diet Books
7. The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck
8. Lance Armstrong Autobiography.
9. James E. Talmage's The Great Apostasy and right next to this book was Sex Flashcards, yep, Sex Flashcards. Not being able to resist I pulled out a card, which contained the definition for "revirginize": 1: to reattach the hymen surgically via hymenorraphy or hymenoplasty 2: to temporarily shrink the vaginal opening with chemicals 3: to recommit to abstinence until marriage, despite having previously had sex -- see also BORN-AGAIN VIRGIN, STUPPRATOR (man who prefers virgins), FORESKIN RESTORATION. The card then shows a picture of two women, apparently from the 1940s sipping coffee and using our new vocabulary word in a sentence: "That's when I decided to re-virginize."
Damn, if I'd known it was that easy, I wouldn't have waited until I was married. Oh well, back to the book shelf snooping.
10. Jennifer Weiner's Good in Bed and Rich Dad, Poor Dad were the next two books to copulate on the shelf.
11. Personal journals (Ok, I won't stoop so low as to read the journals), although it might be interesting because one is a guy journal, one is a girl journal and the next book on the shelf is Mars and Venus in the Bedroom.
12. And my favorite juxtaposition of the evening were two of those yearly sayings books: Nerve.com's Position of the Day Playbook: Sex Everyday in Every Way, right next to Stand a Little Taller:Counsel and Inspiration for each day of the Year by GBH. Well, with the Nerve book, we all know what was standing a little taller.
Bottom line, Mormons do love to mix up the sex and spirituality when they are young and horny. I have a feeling that this young couple isn't unlike many newlywed Mormon couples. I remember a few years ago lending my Guide to Getting it On to my soon to be married, former TBM brother-in-law and I never got the damn book back. Probably sitting on his bookshelf next to The Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith.
18 comments:
They probably arranged the books like that just for your benefit. I'll bet they're reading your blog and giggling right now!!! ;-)
ha ha ha. That's priceless! Too funny.
I can't IMAGINE leaving a journal, or worse, JOURNALS, in a GUEST BEDROOM. Strange thing to do. They must be pretty dang open. Or, likely they don't have one word that couldn't and shouldn't be read by anyone.
I was thinking that too, CL.
And may I ask, Foreskin Restoration? Since when did the church have any edickt about that?
I'm still trying to interpret that photo....
Fine, I'm addicted. I have to comment here. On with the comments...
I'm with Steve - I'm deciphering the picture. And WTF with foreskin restoration? Owie?!
Samers with SML - 2 to 1 the journals are blank.
Back to my regularly scheduled silence, because, you know, it's just so damn gay here. :)
I somehow got sent here by SML (sort of)...mostly by my hubby walking by my computer and clicking on the link SML had to YOUR blog ROFL. You shoulda heard what he said...never mind that, but my response was, "WTF?", and I promptly came over to the pc, started reading and giggling my ass off. Anywho, read your little blurb about yourself and happened to notice (don't ask how I know this) that the first quite a few books listed as your favs are BDSM related....no, I do NOT want to know, seriously. LOL. My mind screams pervert and I think YAY!!!! What would we do without them?
Hello everyone, greetings from San Diego!
c.l.,
The beauty of this post is that it wasn't done for my benefit. Give me a little credit for my sleuthing capabilities -- I read Agatha Christie, Arthur Conan Doyle and Encyclopedia Brown as a child. The books were dusty. I attribute this to the Mormon (TV obsessed America, too)proclivity to buy books, but not read them. The internet connection in my house is in the guest room -- I ought to check the history before I leave!
SML,
Ok, I admit I looked in the Journal -- nothing new in the girl's journal since 2001 and since they are Mormon newlyweds, I'd guess that means it was written when she was fourteen or fifteen. Most entries were guilt ridden affairs about not writing in her journal enough. The guy's was his missionary journal.
One other thing SML, how is blogging different than leaving your journal in the guest bedroom? Just curious.:-|~-(
Steve -- The Sex Flashcards game was actually kind of cool. Arcane sexual terms and kink, complete with definitions-- completely lacking any edict from any ecclesiastical authority. As for Mormon's and circumcision, ought to have a whole post on that, but because of our affinity to Jews (long story) most Mormon Males born in the Western US are cut.
Sideon -- don't ever not comment because you think it is "too gay" in here. You guys (and gals) are my muses, you inspire me to keep my eyes and mind open. Plus, unlike other institutions I've been involved with, diversity is a good thing. If the straight guys can't handle the heat, then they'll just have to get out of the blog. This is a great sociological experiment, don't mess it up by not posting.
Kitten --
Meow!!! Welcome. For new commentors, I've decided to create their own special footnote on my footnote blog. I'm glad you are laughing, because that was my intention. As for my favoirte books, we all have our phases. I'm reading Norman Mailer right now. If you feel inclined to bestow the title of pervert upon me however, I would deem it an honor. I'm dying to know what your husband said . . .
A written journal, to me, is different from blogging because it's not meant for any eyes but mine. The blog is carefully edited for my readers' enjoyment. Not that I've actually written a journal since my exchange student year back when I was 18.
And what's up with making an entire footnote dedicated to Kitten (who totally deserves it, and who rocks) when it was MY BLOG that brought her here? Hmmmmm? I'm trying not to be jealous, but.....
And I showed my husband your blog. He likes it. I told him you'd appreciate any comments he might like to add as input for the heterosexual male viewpoint on many of these subjects. We read your comments thread about the 3 ads you could place from a homosexual male, a heterosexual female, and a heterosexual male, and he fully agreed with your assessment that the first two would get oodles of replies but not the hetero male. Interesting.
Wow, you're good!!!
I was mostly kidding, but this is giving me all sorts of ideas for arranging the books in my own guest bedroom (and y'know arranging a light coat of dust on them... ;-) ).
I can't really condone opening their journals even if they did put them in the guest bedroom (which admittedly is very weird of them). However I agree with you that I want to know what kitten's husband said....
SML,
In my own defense, I'm contemplating footnote entries for all of my commentors, but given that my footnote blog is a relatively recent development, I've obviously got some back log. Patience, please -- your turn will come.
And on Mormon journals and privacy, I have a slightly different take on this journal in the guest bedroom thing. I think that Mormon journals are in many ways exactly like blogs -- edited and printed according to the anticipated audience reaction. The purpose of creating a journal is to provide a history for your posterity. Every letter is written with the knowledge that your children or grand children will be reading it. Thus, highly edited, some more than others probably, but still highly edited.
I work with a few Mormons. All I can say is that I'm fascinated.
T - I think part of the reason the males would get less response is that straight women are less likely to be cruising personals. Probably they are less likely to be cruising at all. Face it, if they want to be a slut (hooray for sluts!) they simply have to come on to some guy they like. Why bother with all the unkowns of the personals? It's the advantage of "owning the egg." See my post on Evolution's Rainbow if you have questions.
You should have added a "nice" book of your own!
If you could have added one book, which one would it have been??
Just to be a mean bastard, I'd probably put a copy of the New Joy of Gay Sex between their two journals, with a photo of the host marking my favorite anal sex page. HA!
Thank you for making me think of that!
Where'd you get the picture?
Who is it?
Male?
Female?
I hate when I can't tell what I'm looking at :) Enlighten me, please!
It seems pretty definitely a male. I think he's diddling some chick's ass with a dildo. Maybe it's another guy, but I doubt it.
hey! I'm sismarylis's brother. Get to her and call me! I live in S.D.
Mitch McDad -- Welcome -- glad to have you here.
I think I'm just going to have to do an experiment on the personals -- Steve's post on Evolution's Rainbow is here. (Don't be afraid to pimp yourself Steve.
The book I'd add? Moby Dick or The Decameron -- just so they'd have some classics.
As for the picture -- Flickr is fun, isn't it. I liked the picture because it was ambiguous and it can be however you want it to be. Voyeurism is like that -- you often only see what you want to see.
And weebie, I'll have to look you up next time I'm in San Diego -- back in Utah now.
Weebie is great! I personally need to get my ass to SD myself, as I've been totally remiss in visiting him at all and he's lived there for years.
Now I have guilt.
Post a Comment