4x4: Group Sex, Aging and Mormonism

I turned 44 this week. I half expect something mystical to occur in a year with double digits. I immediately thought of all the things that start with a 4:

Four Seasons

Four Elements

Four Points on the Compass

Four Corners

I could go on, but I've also been reading Thomas Pynchon's Against the Day and of course I came across passage making a unique utilization of the imaginary geographic entity known as "The Four Corner's Region":

They took her down to the Four Corners and put her so one of her knees was in Utah, one in Colorado, one elbow in Arizona and the other in New Mexico -- with one point of insertion exactly above the mythical crosshairs itself. Then rotated her four different ways. Her small features pressed into the dirt, the blood-red dirt.

So in addition to the Mile High Club, I am now obsessed in my 44th year to find a woman and get down to the Four Corners and fuck in all four states at once -- maybe even achieving four different states of consciousness in the process. Drilling my cock into her cunt right on the bulls eye, with our four arms and four legs intertwined as one flesh -- the four elements appear as well with the fire of our loins, the water of her pussy, the hot air of our breath commingled all on the earthy stone -- our heads point north along the Utah-Colorado border, our feet point south down through New Mexico and Arizona and the orgasm generating out from our genitals flows perpendicular to the East and the West completing a sexual mandala.

With all these fours running through my head, I revert to my Mormon heritage which does not (at least in eternity) bind me to one solitary female partner and begin to think of a daisy chain foursome covering four states at once. Calling the Guinness Book of World's Records: The world's first group sex held simultaneously orgasming in four states at once. Foursomes provide multiples of fours in legs, tits, arms, eyes, ears and balls. Of course, we would have to go in some type of 4x4 given the rough terrain of Southern Utah, with lots of extended foreplay on the close to 444 mile drive from Farmington, Utah to the closest city, Farmington, New Mexico -- both of which begin with "F", as does "Four" and "Fuck"

The debate about polygamy is so misguided. (Here is where I get serious.) To understand and deal with the psychological implications of growing up either

1) male ;

2) female;

3) straight; or

4) gay

in a religion whose doctrine espouses polygamy requires an understanding of not just polygamous abuses, but the strong sexual and spiritual compulsion -- that urge to merge into the oneness -- that is bred into each of our culturally Mormon psyches.

Someone needs to do a sociological study on the sex habits of the Mormons who have left the church. How many sex partners? How many Tantra workshops? How many serial monogamous relationships? My guess is it is significantly higher than the average U.S. culture, because there is a spiritual, as well as a physical promise, that comes from the subliminally indoctrinated promise of communal sex and free love.

Our aspiration was to become like the ancient City of Enoch -- transformed, translated, transcending common existence and being raised up into heaven as one heart and one mind into God's bosom-- one giant celestial fucking orgy. (Moses 7:18, 69) One heart, one mind, one flesh -- if the symbolic oneness of the act of consummating and carrying out the marriage of a male and a female works for two, why not four, why not more? And of course being a guy, the two girls per boy scenario is fantastically fun.

Moses 7:62-65 gives me my scriptural basis for this argument: (Link warning -- the links are straight from scriptures.lds.org-- no further translation has been provided.)

62 And righteousness will I send down out of heaven; and truth will I send forth out of the earth, to bear testimony of mine Only Begotten; his resurrection from the dead; yea, and also the resurrection of all men; and righteousness and truth will I cause to sweep the earth as with a flood, to gather out mine elect from the four quarters of the earth, unto a place which I shall prepare, an Holy City, that my people may gird up their loins, and be looking forth for the time of my coming; [People wonder why we went to church -- to gird up our loins and come, of course.] for there shall be my tabernacle, and it shall be called Zion, a New Jerusalem.

63 And the Lord said unto Enoch: Then shalt thou and all thy city meet them there, and we will receive them into our bosom, and they shall see us; and we will fall upon their necks, and they shall fall upon our necks, and we will kiss each other; [Elder Wanker's Translation Through the Power of His MelcheziDick: We'll suck on their tits and the nape of their neck and make out like crazy.]

64 And there shall be mine abode, and it shall be Zion, which shall come forth out of all the creations which I have made; and for the space of a thousand years the earth shall rest. [A thousand year fuck party.

65 And it came to pass that Enoch saw the day of the coming of the Son of Man. [And who says prophets can't watch porno? He even got to see the money shot. Not to mention, how much fun it will be in that millennial sex party to gather round the orgy and sing with gusto and verve: Cum, cum ye Saints.]

Yet, at the same time I'm a puritanically chaste creature that feels extreme guilt and agonizes over my sexual morality. Everybody rants and raves about polygamy. Everybody rants and raves about the Mormon Victorian attitudes. Why aren't we discussing how those activities play out in our lives, our actions and our fantasies? It seems much more relevant than haggling over whether Joseph was horny or not -- he was. Or whether Joseph was a charismatic mystic with a strong religious bent-- he was. (Most charismatic mystics end up being horny, comes with the mystical God territory.) We need to talk about why we fuck who we fuck and how often we fuck and what the fuck it is all about. (That was four fucks, in case you weren't counting and fuck has four letters. Please four-give me four I know not what I do four you and four you.)