San Diego Peeping Tom

I couldn't handle Utah much longer, so I decided to take a little vacation and arrived this evening in San Diego. Travelling on a budget meant that my brother, who had got me out of my winter inversion funk by convincing me to come to San Diego to watch an International 7s Rugby Tournament, also provided us with free lodging at the home of his future brother and sister-in-law to be. WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS TERMINOLOGY THAT MAY BE INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO THOSE WHO DID NOT GROW UP IN THE MORMON FAITH OR SPEND AN INORDINATE AMOUNT OF TIME SPEAKING TO MORMON MISSIONARIES. For the Mormon impaired, I'm attempting to provide appropriate hyperlink footnotes, although time constraints and Internet connectivity may prevent me from getting them all up tonight, so check back tomorrow.

Walking in I found the modest condo had a glass coffee table with an Ensign noticeably placed front and center. The Families Are Forever plaque hung noticeably over the sink and on the top of the entertainment center was the obligatory temple picture. I was assigned by sleeping quarters, one that has glacially slow wireless Internet and a bookcase.

The book case was what intrigued me. Oh, how I wish I had a digital camera and I would have posted a picture, but the juxtaposition of books was just too much to pass up, so I'm forgoing my WTF Friday post for a Peeping Tom San Diego Special -- what do young, newlywed and seemingly devout Mormon couples have on their bookshelf?

1. Two copies of Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits -- apparently each brought one into the marriage.

2. Two copies of a Mormon Hymnal -- again E-Harmony must have picked them out for their similar libraries.

3. Various Self-help books, with the only book not shelved being Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

4. Various Church Books starting with The Teachings of GBH and ending with Mormon Doctrine, followed immediately by a biography of Bob Marley and a biography of Peter Tosh, followed by The Miracle of Forgiveness and a whole bunch more church books.

5. More Church Books

6. Diet Books

7. The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

8. Lance Armstrong Autobiography.

9. James E. Talmage's The Great Apostasy and right next to this book was Sex Flashcards, yep, Sex Flashcards. Not being able to resist I pulled out a card, which contained the definition for "revirginize": 1: to reattach the hymen surgically via hymenorraphy or hymenoplasty 2: to temporarily shrink the vaginal opening with chemicals 3: to recommit to abstinence until marriage, despite having previously had sex -- see also BORN-AGAIN VIRGIN, STUPPRATOR (man who prefers virgins), FORESKIN RESTORATION. The card then shows a picture of two women, apparently from the 1940s sipping coffee and using our new vocabulary word in a sentence: "That's when I decided to re-virginize."

Damn, if I'd known it was that easy, I wouldn't have waited until I was married. Oh well, back to the book shelf snooping.

10. Jennifer Weiner's Good in Bed and Rich Dad, Poor Dad were the next two books to copulate on the shelf.

11. Personal journals (Ok, I won't stoop so low as to read the journals), although it might be interesting because one is a guy journal, one is a girl journal and the next book on the shelf is Mars and Venus in the Bedroom.

12. And my favorite juxtaposition of the evening were two of those yearly sayings books: Nerve.com's Position of the Day Playbook: Sex Everyday in Every Way, right next to Stand a Little Taller:Counsel and Inspiration for each day of the Year by GBH. Well, with the Nerve book, we all know what was standing a little taller.

Bottom line, Mormons do love to mix up the sex and spirituality when they are young and horny. I have a feeling that this young couple isn't unlike many newlywed Mormon couples. I remember a few years ago lending my Guide to Getting it On to my soon to be married, former TBM brother-in-law and I never got the damn book back. Probably sitting on his bookshelf next to The Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith.

Blog-osophy: Exhibitionism and the Word

Exhibitionist, originally uploaded by Mr Jaded.

I'm still struggling with developing my own philosophy of the blog or blog-osophy for short. I've read many, many blogs since I started writing this one and I'm titillated by the exhibitionistic quality of blogging and my voyeuristic consumption.

People routinely cut open their most innermost secrets and splay them out in exhibitionistic fervor. Reality TV? No, the blog reality is a land of voyeurs and exhibitionists. We are in search of some blog with a common cause, a common experience, an ounce of titilation to jolt a mundane existence, or simply the catharsis of realizing that there are people in a hell of a lot worse shape than you.

Diaries used to be kept under lock and key, but with a blog you can parade your exhibitionistic side, letting people read your diary, because they are locked out, not from the words, but your identity. The diary had to be locked up because the proximity of the journal exposed the identity of the writer. Blogs are exhibitionism without consequence.

Writing is one of the most primitive forms of exhibitionism -- a snapshot of thoughts captured in symbolic form. The gaze of the voyeur is the verification and justification of existence.

I used to pray to God, hoping he would hear me. Now I pray to you. Look at me. See inside me. See my brain. God is gone, but I still want something or someone to verify that my existence is real, that I exist.

Mormonism -- the bastards -- pounded three questions into my soul:

Who am I?

Why am I here?

Where am I going?

I haven't been able to shake the constant nagging of those three fucking questions. I think the questions bug me now more than ever, because I really wanted to know the answer, still do want to know the answers and I'm so far away from anything even remotely close.

But what does the meaning of life have to do with blogs? Everything. One of those pesky needs that we humans seem to be faced with is the need for connection. Sex is a great way to connect -- Tab P goes into Slot V or any other number of connections. Sex as a connective force is what propelled me to start this blog. I wanted to connect with other people by talking about the ultimate physical connection. In the meantime, I want to word-fuck your brains, too. I want to get inside you, make you feel my hard cocked words, until you come and come again, because you want more of me inside you. Voyeur fucking is the blog drug of the exhibitionist writer.

I used to think I needed to be a published writer with books on shelves, but I'm beginning to think that has changed. Technology has changed everything. You don't have to fuck anymore. You can do it all in the laboratory with words -- a little in-vitro word-ilization. I want my spermazota of ideas to impregnate your mind until you give birth to our bastard child of thought. If you are thinking, fuck this guy at this point, then put down a comment and maybe you can.

Is this a solid blog-osophy? I don't know. It is a start. I still don't know who I am. I still don't know why I'm here and I sure as hell don't know where I am going. All I know is that it is going to be one hell of a ride.

So now I have exposed myself to all of you and I know it isn't pretty. But hey thanks for looking.