FOR SALE -- CHEAP!!!
19 Bedrooms, 3 Commercial Kitchens and Jacuzzi Tubs in every bathroom (Enough room for 4 wives and 27 children and one large male ego) in that last bastion of religious freedom -- Colorado City.
Here at Mormon Erotica, I feel it is my duty to keep you up to date on breaking news stories that touch upon the periphery of this blog and what better way to start out a New Year than with a recent new story that tips its hat to those vestiges of an early Mormon Heritage, the FLDS of Hildale and Colorado City. Apparently the legal troubles and new settlements in Texas or Canada, have the polygamous faithful flocking out of Southern Zion. Left behind for the beleaguered Trustee, appointed to govern over the FLDS communal property trust, are huge, vacant houses -- that are bigger than even stuff on the East Bench in Salt Lake County. The whole mess is detailed in today's Salt Lake Tribune Article by Brooke Adams.
While reading the paper this morning I discovered another article from that region of Utah's Dixie: Overcrowding Has Kane County Seeking New Jail. The sub-heading on the article states that "There especially is a need for more space for women inmates and an up-to-code kitchen." All I could think was "Man, I know where you can buy a jail on the cheap, with three brand new kitchens and it already feels like a women's prison." Kanab and Hildale are in the same county afterall and it is just a short 45 minute drive across the reservation to the new jail.
Besides solving the Kane County jail crisis, I was also pleased to read about all the hot tubs those polygamists had. Whoever said polygamy wasn't about sex . . .
And lest our readers think that I'm not out pounding the pavement for my own blog scoop, I had the good fortune to have an in with one of Warren Jeff's arresting officers and he provided me with a bootleg tape of a fundamentalist Mormon band, doing a cover of Guns n' Roses' Paradise City, but with the words had been slightly changed. So here for the first time in print I give you the lyrics to the Warren Jeffs On the Lam Anthem: Colorado City:
Take me down
To Colorado City
Where the ass is teen
And my wives are many
Take me home (Oh won't you please take me home)
Take me down
To Colorado City
Where the ass is teen
And my wives are many
Take me home (Oh won't you please take me home)
A bunch of urchins livin' on the street
Bein’ a welfare case is a tough gig to beat
All of us a charity case
So buy us somethin' to eat
I'll pay you back another time
Tax you to the end of time
Ragz to richez or so they say
Ya gotta-keep runnin' from the warrants and fame
It was only a teen tumble
Faith is just a sex game
Ya’ll treat it like a capital crime
Everybody's goin’ to do some time
Take me down
To Colorado City
Where the ass is teen
And my wives are many
Oh won't you please take me home
Take me down
To Colorado City
Where the ass is teen
And my wives are many
Take me home
Stripped of our cash
From the judge’s chamber
Why that Trustee is hear I can't quite remember
To bad Word of Wisdom says it's hazardous to breathe
I could use a cigarette but I can't sin you see
Tell me who you're gonna believe
Take me down
To Colorado City
Where the ass is teen
And my wives are many
Take me home
Oh won't you please take me home
So far away -- Texas is so far away, so far away
Captain Moroni's been torn apart
Now Jeffs’ a court jester with a broken heart
He said-Track me down or take me back to the tarts
My Brothers must be losin' their minds-'Man I’m in a bind!'
Christ, I could come a million times
Take me down
To Colorado City
Where the ass is teen
And my wives are many
Take me down To Colorado City
Where the ass is teen
But the girls ain’t pretty
Oh won't you please take me home
Repeat Chorus Ad Nauseam
3 comments:
Great song, T. Great song.
SML,
Thank you, but like I said, thanks should go do that fine law enforcement officer who smuggled the song out to me, he is a source that I need to keep confidential, however. I'm sure you understand.
LOVE the song, dude. Wish I was a musician.
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