Porn to DI For: Sensible Sex, Part II

Dr. Curtis of Ogden, Utah published a little tome in 1968, a guide to sex for the young Latter Day Saint Couple entitled And They Shall be One Flesh which I found on the book shelves at the Deseret Industries. In one of those weird coincidences, Dr. Curtis’ 1968 address listed on the title page is only about six blocks from where I live now. Even more odd is the Acknowledgments in the book list one of Dr. Curtis’s colleagues, who happened to be the Ob/gyn who delivered four of my younger siblings. I guess it just goes to show how small the Mormon community can be.

After the marketing geniuses got a hold of the book, the title was changed to Sensible Sex for the paper back printing of over 2,000,000 copies and the market was expanded to young couples with Christian sensibilities, while maintaining the separated male/female symbols on the front cover. Amazon.com gives the following biographical exposition on Doc Curtis, which I found revealing (and the final proof that despite his androgynous first name, Lindsay, he is most certainly male): "The author is Lindsay R. Curtis, M.D., F.A.C. ObGyn, practiced for many years in an OB-GYN Clinic, and also authored a widely syndicated medical column, "For Women Only". He also authored the best-seller, "Pregnant & Lovin' It"."

The cover of Pregnant & Lovin’ It is a cartoon of the mother to be, standing next to an upright poodle who is also expecting. The poodle has six protruding nipples through her yellow blouse. Dog and woman also both seem to be similarly coifed and pleased with themselves. I’m still mystified as to why the dog/human pregnancy are equated. The first chapter of the Pregnancy book is also one of those Chapters that might be considered too little, too late: "It Has To Start Somewhere!"

I discovered Dr. Curtis co-wrote this pregnancy book with the Ob/gyn that delivered my oldest child. My own personal reproductive history was influenced by this man. The One Flesh book I’d discovered at the DI was an archeological find of the Ob/gyn profession in Utah and as the book will show, an interesting combination of the mixtures of religious beliefs, pop culture and science that were taught not just by the church, but by the medical profession in Utah as well.
I give you unexpurgated: Sensible Sex.

To a husband, the only important thing in the meal is the steak. But to his wife, the side dishes really make the meal.

God made man (or most men) to be aggressive sexually.

The poorest man on earth is still loaded with gifts that will please a woman if he chooses to give them.

During intercourse it is not only proper but desirable for her to use the muscles of her vagina to enhance the pleasure of the act in both of them. No one wishes to sleep with a dead fish.

The commonest complaint in a wife is overweight. [sic] Native Hawaiians want their wives to be fat and our hats are off to them if this is their custom. But here on the mainland, custom and social preferences demand that a woman avoid those ugly extra pounds. . . . If a woman (or a man, for that matter) wants to be thin more than she wants to be fat, she can lose weight.

Secretly every man thinks that he is God’s gift to women.

The truth is that nice young girls can be cleaner and more sanitary if they WILL use internal tampons. . . . In addition, internal tampons teach women about their anatomy and help to prepare them for marriage.

He then, under local anesthesia, can stretch the hymen further if necessary to avoid the painful and traumatic "first night" of an otherwise heavenly honeymoon. Does stretching the hymen robe a girl of her virginity? By definition, a virgin is a woman who has not had sexual intercourse. Stretched hymen or not, the girl’s virginity is preserved.

One of the best investments after purchasing a double bed is to buy an electric blanket with dual controls so that husband and wife may share the same bed without one making the other uncomfortable. This might also solve the problem of the first case mentioned so that she would not have to wear so many clothes to bed . . . or does she do it for another reason?

It [getting married] doesn’t mean that you stop complementing her on her appearance, her cooking, her sewing, yes even her cleaning. In fact if you are smart, you will help her with the latter.

I thought about doing ironic commentary or some historonic prose, but I decided to let Dr. Curtis speak for himself -- although I'd love to hear your input on these words of wisdom.