Ok, JulieAnn you are welcome to spank me for taking your picture any time – punish me please.ISSUE ONE: CHARACTER VERSUS ARTIST CONFLATION.
I went back and re-read my review and never once did I accuse you, JulieAnn the artist of being anti-porn or anti-sex. In fact, I even provided a link to your web published erotic story. I am hopefully too wise to conflate artist and fictional character.
My Anti-Porn Case Against Corinne:
I accused the character Corinne of being anti-porn. When viewing the porn, Corinne’s reaction inevitably is to be made ill. She is never aroused by the pictures. She postulates that the reason her husband’s favorite position is doggy style is because he is objectifying her. Corinne is so uptight sexually she never relinquishes her tight fisted control over her sexuality. She never succumbs, sticking with her Clinton-ian "I did not have sex with my dentist" position. Her most consistent response is to acknowledge the "pink elephant in the room" (her disdain for her husband’s solo activities) by not saying anything to her husband. I can think of at least twice when she rebuffs her husband’s sexual advances.
From a guy’s point of view (which genetics has saddled me with), Corinne’s coldness would either be an invitation to break out the Hustler magazine or look for some other fireside to warm the digits by. The least intrusive on the relationship is to jack off to some porn. However, Corinne is a strict believer in Matthew 5:28: That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Corinne’s version is as follows: "Brent was messing around with, near as I could tell, about five women. And God knows how many more there have been, so that makes . . . one, two, three . . .hm, how many cyber-people equal one live person? Since I felt very much like I caught him with a real woman, I think we’re even. Yeah, that should make me feel a whole lot better."
The rest of the story continues from this point (realistically I might add) as if Corinne had caught Brent’s cock mid-thrust up Jenna Jameson’s moist wet cunt, not just masturbating to porn.
This is the character in the story, based on all I have to go by – the text.
ISSUE TWO: SEXUAL ADDICTION
I just don’t buy the sexual addiction argument. The way addiction is used in the novel is a convenient excuse for not addressing the issues in the marriage. This is a couple that has stopped communicating. The masturbating and porn viewing wasn’t the only addiction then, because by your definition which you shouted at me – "acting out DESPITE RECURRENT AND NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES" then Corinne was addicted to keeping her mouth shut about how she felt, to the point of leaving a "good, decent man." How do you leave a "good, decent man"? You paint him as a lying addict.
A good chunk of my initial review was playing with the fact that this book written in the chick lit genre caters to a sensibility in women that lacks compassion or understanding of the male point of view. The point of view of the protagonist promotes a sly double standard that is by far more destructive to male/female relationship than the so-called "sex addiction" of jacking off to porn. I’m not saying there isn’t sex addiction, but sex addiction is not jacking off to porn – no matter how raw one’s dick might become. By your definition, I’m afraid that most men qualify as sex addicts. I stand proudly erect and accept my conviction of that charge.
ISSUE THREE: THE MORMON ENDING FOR THE MALE
Another reason I felt that the argument of sexual addiction was a red herring/excuse for Corinne is that the definitions she used for addiction are a description of how sex is treated for a young Mormon male, which I spelled out in detail in my review.
To summarize: Masturbating for a young Mormon male contemporary of Corinne’s husband Brent would be "obsessive thoughts that can only be assuaged by compulsively acting out despite recurrent and negative consequences." Nothing there that a little apostasy, fucking and talking couldn’t cure.
At the end of the novel, Corinne, in typical chick lit fashion and true to her genre, is free, on her own and moving on. The fact that her husband ends the book like he was written in by Jack Weyland, simply illustrates where the problem in the marriage resided – not in sexual addiction, but the total inability of this couple to talk about how the religion had screwed up their sexuality, led to their early, rather coerced marriage, and made the husband so ashamed about his sexuality that he had to hide everything. Not to mention the juicy Electra Complex Corinne is toting around, leading her to, among other things, fondle her dentist’s drill, but not put it in her mouth.
3 comments:
Reconciliation!? Nevah! Mwah hahaha! GOD I love you.
With that said...
I must qualify my looooong diatribe: it was an amalgam of responses to all of you--the other two commentators as well as you. So sorry. I should have not blended you all together like a Long Island iced tea to be pounded by a 21 year old BYU student. My bad.
Ok, Sub point 1.
You know why Corinne isn't aroused by the porn she sees on the computer? Because she isn't looking at it with her husband in order to arouse them, propelling them toward a mutual sharing of bodily fluids. She is seeing it through the eyes of someone who feels betrayed. The juxtaposition of this phenomenon can be read in my little story, Window Fog, can't it? You really think a wife would be flicking her clit if she watched her husband pounding away in a hooker? Not so much. She would be vomiting in the bushes, no matter how many porn movies they have watched together.
She rebuffs her husbands advances because the pink elephant is watching, all of the time. Do YOU like having sex in front of a pink elephant? I don't. He's always yelling, "Faster, higher, c'mon, you can do better than that!" he he he
On a serious note, a woman can't be betrayed, hurt and pissed off and accept advances from her husband. For women, and I KNOW you know this, sex is as much mental as it is physical.
You are right about one thing; the marriage is broken in many places. The porn is just the obvious place to plop the blame. That is the point. The addiction is the issue, not the porn. Again, I stats that when a person is in an addiction, THEY ARE NOT CAPABLE of emotional connection. This is what she is missing. THIS is what's wrong with the marriage. It is a chicken and egg argument. More on that in a minute, because I am thinking about Jenna's cunt right now...
Okay, so there is a difference between masturbation to her and thrusting into her, is there? Really? Keep in mind, now that Brent is choosing porn OVER her. Why? Because porn requires no emotional connection, there is never any sort of rejection, no performance anxiety, and Jenna will ALWAYS and without fail, come (falsely) while screaming your name in your head. Wow....what an ego boost. Problem. The brain doesn't know the difference between real and not real. You are creating a neuro-net between Jenna, porn and yourself when you engage in it-instead of building one with your partner. Studies have been done where I person is shown sexual images on a video screen, and certain portions of their brain light up and become active. Then, the person is asked to recall the images with their eyes closed, and the SAME areas of the brain respond in the same way and light up in the same fashion--but the image is NOT in front of them. WHAT is reality, really? So do you REALLY need to be physically fucking Jenna? Because in your brain, you ARE fucking her. Semantics? Biochemistry bullshit? Maybe. But poor Matthew's gotta get some air time hee hee hee
Sub point 2.
Yes, the porn and addiction issues are only secondary. Chicken an egg. Did the lack of communication lead to the addiction, or did the addiction lead to the lack of communication? We don't know. Bottom line is, it lead to a sham of a marriage and Corinne was absolutely addicted to the pink elephant. She was addicted to the pain of not confronting Brent. Why? Her mother said it best (Gladys--my all-time favorite character in the whole of the book)Now I don't have a copy here in front of me...but she says something like this:
"If you ask him to stop and he does, then what will you have to be angry about? If he doesn't stop, then you have a choice to make." All sorts of childhood shit going on here.(Yes I am the author and I have no copy save my galley and I don't want to look it up right now because it's bloody early) :P
Corinne is addicted to her anger and the power it gives her, to pain, to sex, to all kinds of things. She is a mess, just as much as he is. Yep. And I think deep down, at the end when he tells her he can't promise he will never look at it again, it seals many things for her; the fact that she has not ever been number one in his life, and he will never try to meet her half way. That's the point. The porn, at this point, is superfluous. You "leave a good, decent man" when the relationship is simply over. Period. When you know he will not change, you know he is incapable of telling you the truth, and no amount of changing on your part will improve it. She will never be okay with him looking at porn because now, it holds a biochemical link to 'betrayal' for her. That takes some serious therapy to undo, and there are too many things broken at this point to try. (By the way, this is so horribly, amazingly unreal what you are pulling out of me, you know that don't you? Pulling out of me, pulling out of Corinne...ghastly and exciting!)
Now, every man who jacks to porn isn't an addict, people. Again, when he does it to avoid painful feelings and he feels he has no control despite negative consequences at home, or at work, then there is a problem. It is just porn; it is not a basic need. It isn't food, water, shelter, coffee...
Oh, here's one I forgot. Addicts need to up their dose. Soon, Jenna jilling off poolside isn't going to work. The addict will need more and more stimulation, more forbidden pleasure, more stimuli to get off. Live webcams are next, then phone chat, then real women...This is, sadly, how many men get drawn into the Lolita sites. The excitment of the secrecy is also a drug.
Subpoint 3.
I agree. (he he he sorry that's all you get. I agree.) Do you want to punish ME now? What I want is a picture of YOU to pilfer, you nasty man.
You think I have all of this shit figured out in my head? I'm telling you, every character that comes from me is an archetypal component of my psyche; you think I have that all figured out? Then all of your blood must be in ONE place more than the other in your body, my friend (saying with my tongue firmly planted in my....cheek.)
Oh. Love the "key" at the beginning of the post, btw, the last one is my FAVORITE.
Thank you for the exchange, OGTR. Oh and tell Hanson she is OKAY in my book. I can't wait to read her stuff and learn all about her. She is an exciting package for me to open, as you once were(you are still exciting, but I think we have a more mature and deep bloglationship, now, don't you?)
And I don't care if you look at porn and rub yourself raw, my friend. Have you checked out the Suicide girls yet? Love 'em. Not really porn, though. More erotica. Which I am now contracted to write under a pseudonym....you'll have to just find me, won't you? You can recognize me, I'm sure of it.
MMMMMWAH and :o* (kiss on the cheek)
Much fondness and giddy-appreciation
xoja
So how do I get my name on the left side of your blog? How do I get your name on MY left side? These are things I wanna know....
xoja
Uh, JulieAnn, you do have your name on the left side of my blog and its been there since the inception.
And as for getting my name on your left side -- the left side of your what? It sounds fun to try anyway.
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;-|~
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Hmmmm, I think I'll go for the left side.
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